make my heart a better place
by abbyli
Summary: Pain ran through his jaw, ending up in his top gums. He cried out, holding his mouth in his hand. A shudder laced his body as he felt his fangs pierce through his gums for the first time. He really was a vampire. matt/rebekah
1. don't tear me down

_**don't tear me down**_

* * *

**All right, so this idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while. I thought about doing a total switcheroo with who had blood in their system at the time Rebekah ran Matt and Elena off the road and it made me wonder, what if it had been Matt instead? What if it had been Matt who had collapsed with a cerebral hemorrhage and Meredith cured him with vampire blood? What if he died in the water instead and woke up in transition with Rebekah by his side? **

* * *

He was tired. He was too tired to be on the road in the middle of the night.

It had been an interesting two days to say the least. After his 'freak' fainting spell and his short stay in the hospital, Elena and Caroline had taken him home and took care of him. It was not nine hours later when they got the call that Klaus was dead.

Dead.

The damn hybrid was dead.

Caroline rushed off to be with Tyler during his last hours, casting a quick apology to him before leaving.

"You should go be with Stefan and Damon," he said to Elena when he saw her anxious expression.

She shook her head. "No, I can't leave you alone," she said quickly.

"Elena, don't be stupid. I'm fine. Besides, Meredith said it was just exhaustion. You need to go be with them."

"I can't be with the both of them," she said quietly. "Damon is still with Klaus's body. He's a million miles away."

"Then go be with Damon," Matt reminded her. "He is the one you want. Go be with him."

"Matt-"

He reached over and grabbed her keys off of the table. "Don't be stupid," he repeated. "Go be with Damon."

* * *

Before he was totally aware of what was going on, he was sitting in the passenger side of Elena's SUV. She had refused to leave him three more times until he brought up going with her so she could keep an eye on him. She numbly gave in after that.

"I just can't believe it," Elena whispered after a while. "I just can't believe that Klaus is gone. I was actually hoping he would make it so I wouldn't lose all of my friends. God, that sounds dumb even as I'm saying it."

Matt chuckled tiredly. "Don't worry about it, Elena."

At that moment, Elena's cell phone rang. "Matt, can you get that?"

"Sure."

He answered her phone and was soon greeted with the sound of Caroline's sobs.

Tyler was gone.

Gone.

He tried to force back the tears as he closed the phone and replaced it in Elena's bag.

"What is it?" Elena asked quietly, already dreading the answer.

"That was Caroline. Um...Tyler's...Tyler's..." The words couldn't even form past his tongue.

"No." That was all that Elena could get out. "No. No, no, no, no!"

"Elena!" His voice immediately calmed her. "Elena, don't."

She sighed, quickly brushed tears off of her face. "I can't help it," she whispered. "I was hoping for a second that just maybe..."

"Maybe Klaus was lying," he finished for her.

"Yeah."

Ever since those vampires had come into town, their lives had been turned upside down. There was so much that had been changed because of them. And he hated every single second of it.

He watched Elena's face as she continued to drive. He could see the apprehension in her eyes and the sorrow etched across her features. Then he knew.

"Elena, you have to make a choice," he whispered quietly.

"What?"

"You need to make that choice right now of who we are going to see. Either we are going to keep heading out of town to find Damon or we are going to turn this car around and find Stefan and Caroline. You can't keep playing this game."

Even as his words hit her conscience, she knew he was right. She couldn't do this anymore.

"Matt, can you get my phone out?" she whispered. "And can you dial Damon's number?"

* * *

They were slowly heading back to Mystic Falls.

The only reason they were going back was because of Caroline. She was still there, still with Stefan and with Tyler. She wanted to spend Caroline's last minutes with her and with Bonnie.

Matt couldn't help but feel uncomfortable during the conversation that Elena had with Damon over the speakerphone. They had exchanged 'I love yous' and 'I'm sorrys'. Surprisingly enough, the usual dickhead Damon had understood her reasoning for going back to Mystic Falls. It made sense to him. He also but couldn't help feeling sorry for the elder Salvatore. He was going to be separated from his brother.

"Are you sure?" Matt asked her as she pulled over to the side of the road, preparing to do a U-turn. "Are you absolutely sure?"

Elena nodded, her face pulled tight in determination. "Yes."

"Okay." He set his head back on the headrest. Relief flooded his bones. "Okay."

"How are you? How are you feeling?" she asked him, taking her eyes off the road to look at him.

"I'm fine, Elena," he sighed. "Always the mother-hen."

"Sorry, can't help it."

He chuckled softly before closing his eyes. "Don't worry about it."

Elena smiled before turning her eyes back onto the road. They had less than thirty minutes to get back to Mystic Falls and she hoped that Stefan and Caroline could hang on. Tyler was already gone, Sage had died with two hours after Finn's death. Klaus had died forty-five minutes ago. They had some time but not much.

She began to dial a number on her phone, tapping the keys of Bonnie's cell. She glanced down at the phone for a split second.

And then she heard Matt's scream.

"Elena, look out!"

And then nothing.

* * *

It was for such a short amount of time.

But it felt like an eternity.

He couldn't see anything.

He couldn't feel anything.

All he could remember was a flash of long blond hair before Elena had driven off of Wickery Bridge.

He fought the heavy waters, trying to focus his vision in the deep abyss. He could barely make out the dashboard in front of him. And then he began to struggle with his seatbelt.

The damn thing was jammed. It was jammed tight enough to the point where he couldn't even shimmy his legs out.

He glanced over and saw Elena. She was unconscious and blood was pooling around her head in a cloud of wispy smoke. He leaned over and fiddled with her belt, easily able to get it unlocked and her body free. But her mouth was open and she was taking in water by the bucketful.

Hold on, Elena. He furiously worked at his own belt. Hold on, Elena.

Suddenly, a loud pounding on the side window nearly scared him out of his wits. Looking over, he recognized the face of the eldest Original.

Elijah easily tore the door off from the hinges and threw it aside. He pulled Elena from the car and made for ripping Matt's seatbelt off. Matt threw a weak punch at his hand and shook his head, pointing at Elena and then pointing to the surface.

He could see more blood forming around Elena's head and knew that she was hurt far worse than he was. Elijah had to get her to the surface and keep her alive or it was all going to be over. Elijah could come back down for him.

Elijah didn't argue. He shot for the surface, Elena clenched tightly in his arms.

Matt wrestled with his belt again, feeling the blackness starting to overtake him. It was all starting to fade away quite fast. He had had no idea death was this quiet. This domineering. It was just like some people had described to him. It was like going to sleep.

He was tired.

So tired.

The blond girl that was pulling his seatbelt away didn't even faze him.

He was so tired.

"_Matt! Matt, don't you dare! Matt, oh, God, I'm so sorry!" _

* * *

And then...

The gasp that rippled from his body made him want to vomit.

And then...

And then...he was so awake.

* * *

**Haha! I love writing cliffhangers! **

**This is going to be an eventual twoshot or maybe threeshot. Sorry, I know it's labeled as matt/rebekah and it's got so much matt/elena in it. But I had to do all the stuff that led up to what happened. **

**In part two, there will be the aftermath of Matt waking up in transition and also the person sitting next to him when he wakes up. And I'll go into just who's blood it will be that healed him. **

**I am not a Stelena shipper or a Delena shipper. I wrote Elena choosing Damon but choosing to go back and be with **_**Caroline, **_**not Stefan in the end. I like to think that she didn't forget about her other vampire friend who would have been meeting her untimely end quite soon. I am actually an Elejah shipper so that's why I wrote that in. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I hope to get the next two parts up soon. Reviews are loved, I want to know what you thought. **


	2. there are so many wars we've fought

_**there are so many wars we've fought**_

* * *

The blonde almost fell backwards off of the stool. She stared at those blue eyes that were alight with fear and bewilderment. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. It just couldn't be true.

And then she saw the hunger.

"Matt? Matt, can you hear me?"

The Donovan boy let out a sob, finally taking in his surroundings.

They were in the hospital morgue.

"What the-? What's-? Why-?"

"Matt, listen to me," she gently grabbed his arms, trying to keep him still. "Matt, listen-"

"Rebekah? Why are you here? What happened?"

"Matt, you were in an accident at Wickery Bridge," she quickly explained. "You were underwater for a really long time and-"

"Oh, my God!" His new strength threw her away from him. She latched back on, firmly but still gently. "Oh, my God! I'm a-I'm dead! I'm dead. Oh, my God!"

"Matt, please calm down," she whispered, her voice dropping. She was trying so hard but failing so miserably. "Matt, please."

"How the hell can you expect me to calm down, Rebekah?" The blond man cursed. "I'm dead!"

"You're not dead, Matt," she sighed, finally releasing her grip on his arms. "You're a-"

"No! No, don't say that!"

"But you are. You're a vampire."

"NO!"

"Matt..."

"What the hell did you do to me, Rebekah?" he snarled, throwing himself at her small frame. She winced at how remarkably strong he already was. "What did you do to me?"

"I didn't do anything to you, Matt! I didn't do this!"

"Like hell! You have been looking for some way to get back at Elena for all the crap she's done to you so you do this! What the hell, Rebekah! I liked you!"

The words flew out of his mouth faster than he had the chance to stop them.

"Matt, I am so sorry."

"To hell with you, Rebekah. To hell with you and the rest of your psychotic family."

She stood aside and waited as he exited the morgue with amazing speed. She listened carefully to the sounds of his feather-like footsteps as they carried him out of the hospital and deep into the woods.

She needed to give him a headstart.

* * *

He couldn't be dead.

He just couldn't.

After seeing the pain and the anger and the rage that Damon, Stefan, and Caroline had to endure every single day, he had sworn that he would never become like that. He knew that none of them had had any choice, they had been turned against their wills but they still had completed the transition. He had sworn to himself that even if he got into transition, he would let himself die.

He didn't want to be a monster.

He wanted to be actually dead.

Actually dead.

Oh, God.

He was dead.

"No."

A jolt of pain hit Matt's temple, allowing his knees to buckle. He let out a sob of anger and he started to slip to his knees.

* * *

_Her lips were so soft. So warm. It was so unreal that she could be like this. _

_He leaned his head back, allowing her more access to his throat. The delicate pressure of her lips against his jugular made him go wild and he wanted to feel that feeling again. He wanted to feel like that passion wasn't gone. That it was still there and still so strong. _

_She understood what he wanted and happily granted it. Her mouth moved down his neck, resting the visciously pumping vein. He could hear her sniffing and then it all changed forever. _

_Her beautiful blue eyes were now black and red, dark red veins protruding underneath her lids. Long fangs slipped through, showing under her top lip. She reared her head back and all he could feel was pain. _

_Such pain. _

"_Caroline!" _

_And then that heaviness was gone, leaving him slumped against the tree, his hand trying to stem the flow of blood that still ran from his throat. _

* * *

Caroline had fed off of him.

Oh, God...

The memory, that piecey memory...

Pain ran through his jaw, ending up in his top gums. He cried out, holding his mouth in his hand. A shudder laced his body as he felt his fangs pierce through his gums for the first time.

He really was a vampire.

God, what Caroline must have went through.

What Vicki must have went through.

"Matt, you need to feed."

He had heard her coming from a mile off. It was hard to block things out now. All of it was shooting at him like a million arrows from a million bows.

"I can't do this."

"Yes, you can," whispered Rebekah. She held up a pouch, filled with that tantalizingly red liquid. "If you don't, you'll die."

"I want to die."

"No, you don't. You have barely begun to live."

"I don't want this."

"Nobody wants it," she sighed. "I sure as hell didn't want it."

"Then why the hell are you still here?" he cried. "You are a million years old and you are still kicking! Why the hell are you still here?"

"I have no freaking idea, Matt! But I do know that I _am _here. I am living. I am fighting for my survival. I have lost two brothers within two months of each other, I watched my little brother bleed to death, the man that I thought I loved slip through my fingers. Don't make me watch you die out here in the woods!"

Her voice brought his racing mind back to Earth. Everything that she just said...why did it sound so clear?

"I don't want this," he repeated, the hot tears starting to slide freely down his cheeks. "I don't want to go through what you and the rest of the population have gone through. I don't want to die like Vicki."

Rebekah realized what he had gone through that previous year. What had happened had been so similar to what she had had happen to her.

And that scared her.

"Okay."

* * *

"I never thought I would die in your bedroom."

"Well, kind of can't get back into your house since you are the only owner that still lives there."

"But still, your bedroom."

"Would you like to die in Elijah's bedroom?"

That shut him up.

She found herself fluffing up the pillows around his head and back, trying to keep herself somewhat busy. All she knew right now is that she didn't want to lose this boy. He meant too much to her.

And so she told him.

"Matt, I don't think you should do this."

"Rebekah-"

"Matt, what about your friends? What will they think?" she asked him quietly.

"What do they care? Are they even aware that I am here?"

Rebekah stood back on her heels, realizing sadly that he was right.

"No, they don't."

Matt laid his head back on the pillows, sighing quietly. "Didn't think so."

Rebekah sighed too, running a tired hand through her messy hair. She grabbed her cellphone and headed for the door.

"I'll be right back, Matt."

Her fingertips had just brushed the doorknob when she heard his voice. So quiet and so broken.

"Did you know that I was in the car?"

She winced visibly, afraid to turn around.

"No, I didn't."

She made one more step for the door.

"I'm sorry about Klaus. I know how that feels. I really do."

She let out a small sob, feeling the tears burning her eyes. She fled before he had a chance to say anything else.

* * *

Anger was her best friend. It was all she could do not to run right over to that hospital and rip Elena's throat out at that very second. This was all her fault. This was all because of _her. _

She had watched her brother die because of her. She was now watching the man that she loved die because of her.

She wished with everything that she had that she could turn back time and redo everything that she had done. She wouldn't have tried to run Elena off the road, she would have killed her in a more private spot where she could have gotten the job done and nobody else would have gotten hurt.

Matt wouldn't have gotten hurt.

As she drove, she wondered inwardly who's blood Matt had in his system. She had heard about his 'fainting spell' and that it had been nothing. But she now knew that he had received vampire blood. Someone here in Mystic Falls was his sire. Someone had been offering up a vein for _Dr. _Meredith Fell's healing abilities.

And now, someone was going to die.

* * *

"It's a relief that you're okay."

"I know. It was scary," Elena sighed. "I'm relieved that you three are still kicking. So Klaus must have been lying."

"Yeah, he must have," sighed Caroline, leaning back in her chair. She ran a weary hand through her hair, her eyes drifting back up to the ceiling.

"So, how's Matt? It's been almost an hour and nobody has told me about Matt. How's he doing?" put forth Elena, desperate to end this awkward silence. She could tell that they were hiding something from her.

"Um, Elena...about Matt..." Damon slowly began. But he was cut off by a loud bashing sound that made the four of them jump.

The door was pushed open with such force that it was almost yanked off of it's hinges. The grating sounds of high heeled boots clicking followed it and in walked the youngest Original.

"Ding dong," she snarled, her blue eyes taking in the vampires and the single human doppelganger. "What a nice little cozy get together. How are you feeling, Elena? Are you feeling better? That was some accident, you know."

"What are you doing here?" Elena whispered, sitting up straighter in bed. She glanced off to the side and saw Damon, Stefan, and Caroline were in their full attack stances. If the situation hadn't been so serious, she might have found their posture kind of funny.

"Oh, I just came to deliver a little news about your friend Matt," said Rebekah. "He is now at my house, laying on my bed, slowly dying because he won't take blood to complete his transition."

"What? Transition? What did you do to him, Rebekah?" Elena started to get out bed but Caroline pushed her back.

"I didn't do anything to him, Elena," she sighed. "I had no idea that he was in that car with you and apparently, nobody had any idea that he had vampire blood in his system."

"Meredith said he had just fainted from exhaustion. She said that he was-" Elena's voice trailed off. "Oh, my God, no..."

"Yes, Elena. Yes. Another person has suffered because of you. Because of you!" Rebekah snarled, getting dangerously close to the human. "And you know what? I am so tempted to rip your heart out right now. But I am not going too because that would be too easy. You are going to have to live with it. You are going to have to live with what your sorry existence has done."

A low gutteral growl ripped from Damon's throat and he lunged at her. He grabbed her neck and threw her against the opposing wall, pinning her tightly.

"How _dare _you talk to her like that!" he breathed in her face. "How _dare _you even look at her!"

She easily threw him off, sending him careening into the floor. She sent a foot into his side, feeling satisfied at the four ribs that she broke.

"I will talk to the doppelganger wench any way that I can," she shot back. "Have a nice night."

With a swish of her long golden hair, she strode out of the hospital room and back down the hallway, relishing in the sounds of Damon's groaning, Elena's sobbing, and Caroline's worried grimaces. But then she noticed that there was someone not in the room when he should have been.

Stefan.

* * *

The journey back to the mansion was a blur.

She fell through the front door and blurred upstairs.

And then she saw it.

Stefan was standing in the doorway, a look of sadness all over his face. She followed his line of vision.

Matt was sitting on the bed, his head in his hands.

The blood bag that she had left in there was on the floor.

Empty.

* * *

**Well, this came to me last night and I am so glad I finished it! **

**There will be at least two more parts. I am bringing Stefan into it more, him assisting Rebekah in helping Matt's transition and also just being there. I am trying to keep Stefan more like the Stefan in the books than the Stefan in the series. Stefan in the books was really close with Matt, Matt being the only other person that was compassionate and caring to him besides Elena. So I like to think that he would be there for Matt during this trying time. **

**There will be much more coming up with who's blood it was that Meredith gave Matt, Matt dealing with what's going on and his eventual forgiveness of Rebekah inadvertently turning him into a vampire. I ship Mabekah like crazy on the show and I love the chemistry that Claire and Zach have. It's so sweet and beautiful and I am so excited to see what's to come for them. I just hope Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec don't fuck it up like they did Stelena and Klaroline. **

**Little fun fact here before I shut up. I read an interview that Kevin gave about the characters of Jeremy and Matt right after they became mediums. He does have plans for Matt in the future but for now he is going to remain human. I do think that Matt will eventually become a vampire (I actually thought it was going to be him that turned in 3x22, not Elena) but not for a while. Now that Elena's a vamp, that has all changed. But it will be interesting to see where that goes. **

**All right, I'll shut up. Reviews are immensely loved. **


	3. i'm coming home to breathe again

_**i'm coming home to breathe again**_

* * *

Tears bruised her eyes as she watched him.

He struggled with the blood bag, even though he had already torn into another one. His cheeks and forehead were wet with perspiration and another foreign moisture that she didn't dare try to point out.

Finally, he threw the bag down on the floor in anger and frustration. It bounced gently and rolled a few inches before coming to a standstill by the night table.

A long fingered hand gently picked up the bag and popped the top off. She held it out to him and he took it.

"You need to feed more," Rebekah whispered. "I know you don't want to but you made the change. It's the only way you are going to survive."

"You made me do this," he snarled. His words stung her like the lashes of a whip. "I didn't want to do this."

She knew better than to answer. She carefully lowered herself down onto the bed beside him, watching as he took a delicate sip from the bag.

"Why do I want it so bad?" he asked. "I want to kill. I want to rip someone's head off and drain them off all their blood."

Rebekah gave a small sigh. "This is normal, Matt. It's all part of the change."

"I am not cut out to be a vampire."

"Believe it or not, I used to think the same as you. I was the same so many years ago. I didn't want to a vampire. I didn't want anything to do with this. I wanted to die."

"And yet, you are still here," he whispered, finally taking a ginger sip from the bag. As the blood trickled down his throat and his system took it in, Rebekah could see the healthy glow starting to make it's way up his cheeks and neck. He was going to be okay.

"There are other ways."

The voice didn't even make Rebekah flinch.

"There are other ways, Matt."

"I've seen where your bunny diet has gotten you, Stefan," sighed Matt. "And Caroline and Damon. I don't-I don't want to die."

Stefan shook his head worriedly. "You are not going to die, Matt," he whispered. "We are not going to let that happen."

Hot tears burned his eyes. He hastily brushed them away but more replaced them. He didn't want this. This was the last thing he had wanted. He didn't want to suffer the way Vickie did. He didn't want to hurt someone.

It was like he was screaming. But nobody could hear. It was like he was trying to breathe in clean air and all he took in was the pollution of the world. He couldn't catch his breath.

More tears spilled down his cheeks, falling from his chin and onto his shirt. A gentle hand reached out and delicately wiped those tears away in such a manner as if they were diamonds. Those arms soon circled him in an embrace to which he allowed himself to sink into. He needed this contact now. He needed these touches.

They could keep him from falling right over the edge.

* * *

"You do understand this, right? Any second that you are going to spill one drop of human blood, I can remove the spell and I will stop you."

"Bonnie, I have a perfect track record. I am not going to hurt anyone."

He despised the way that she looked at him. A look of disgust layering a look of despair and grief. His heart went out to the young witch. All of her friends were being turned into supernatural creatures right before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"You are a newborn vampire," whispered Bonnie. "You have been kept inside, away from humans. There will be a time when you have the urge."

And with that, she placed the large ring on the bed and carefully opened up the curtains. The sunlight fell on the thick ring with the wide square blue stone, causing the stone to glimmer in the light. It really was an ugly ring, he had to admit. But so were Damon and Stefan's rings. Caroline's wasn't so bad. At least hers wasn't as large as a boulder like this one was.

Bonnie's head bowed, the grimoire gripped tightly in her hands. He could practically feel the power radiating off of the young witch.

"There. Done." Her head shot up and she snatched the ring up, handing it to him.

"Are you sure?" he couldn't help asking as he slipped the ring onto his right middle finger. "That was kind of fast-ah!" He lurched back as Bonnie flipped the curtains open all the way and the sunlight covered him.

"I'm getting a bit of déjà vu here," Bonnie sighed. "Rebekah, you can come in and collect him now!"

The youngest Original appeared at the doorway, a small smile on her face. "Thank you, witch-uh, Bonnie."

"You're welcome," Bonnie answered quietly. She gripped the grimoire in one hand and slipped past Rebekah, leaving the room and leaving her former friend behind.

Matt felt sadness grip his dead heart as he watched her go. He knew that he had lost Bonnie right at that moment. Whatever they had had was so gone. He doubted that they would ever be able to get that back, especially now.

Being a vampire, it ruined everything.

Why couldn't he have died that night?

* * *

"It hurts."

Rebekah eyed him for a moment before her features softened.

"I know."

"Will it ever stop?"

"No." She leaned her head close to his, her blond locks falling around her face and tickling his chin. "But the pain does lessen over time."

* * *

He fed regularly, taking in animal and human blood in different increments. He took his first walk in the sun alone, the ring blazing on his finger. He was quite sure that Stefan and Rebekah were nearby someplace, keeping a watchful eye out for him.

It is late autumn, his favorite time of the year. It was a time of tranquility and peace, right before the earth gets ready to go to sleep for the winter. He likes winter too but fall was always his favorite.

A gentle rush of wind picks up, carrying a stream of golden and scarlet leaves along with it. He watchs the shoot of color and can't help the smile that crosses his lips at the beauty. At the joy.

Real joy for the first time in months.

Feeding steadily, it kept him from having those urges. Those urges he remembered Caroline speaking about so nonchalantly like it didn't even matter. He was able to look at someone else and not imagine their face as a cheeseburger.

"Hey, Matt!"

He recognized the long haired redhead with a smile. His former partner in Elementary Lab Science who had always been so sweet and kind and been a bit of jealousy on Elena's part.

"Sasha, hey."

The redhead greeted him with a swift hug to the shoulders before pulling back. "I am so glad to see you up and around. We all heard about the accident and how bad it was. Thank God you weren't hurt as badly as everyone was thinking you were."

Yeah, well. He was kind of dead.

"I was lucky," he chuckled.

Suddenly, Sasha threw back her long braid from her neck. That's when he spied the spidery blue veins in her neck.

"Hello, Sasha!" He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Stefan's voice. The taller boy fell into step beside him, smiling warmly at the small redhead. "How are you?"

"Stefan, I'm great. How are you? How's Elena doing?"

"She's doing great. She should be back at school next week."

"Matt, are you ever coming back?" asked Sasha. "Matt?"

"Hmm?" He felt Stefan's nails dig into his forearm, taking his focus off of the veins in Sasha's neck. "Um, I'm not sure yet. I will see you later, Sasha."

And with that, he turned, pulling his arm out of Stefan's grasp, walking away as quickly as he dared before breaking into a full speed run when he was away from human eyes.

* * *

"Matt, calm down. What happened was normal."

"Normal?! Normal?! I am the nicest guy in the world. I have been told that a million times and I actually believe it. How do you call that normal? I just wanted to tear into that girl's neck! I wanted to drink her dry!"

"But you didn't!" Stefan shot back. "You didn't! You have so much more strength than I ever did when I was first turned, Matt. You are much stronger than I ever was. That proves who you are!"

Matt threw up his hands in frustration before turning quickly and snatching up a wooden chair. With amazing strength that he still wasn't used to, he cleanly broke the leg off and handed it to Stefan.

"End it."

"Excuse me?" Stefan stared at him with those wide green eyes.

"I want you to end this. End me. I can't do this."

"Matt-"

"I almost killed her, Stefan! If you hadn't showed up, I would have!"

Stefan dropped the makeshift stake, kicking it away and out of reach. "But you didn't. Remember that. You didn't. Even then, I wouldn't have had the strength to tear you off of her even if you had tried to hurt her. You had enough strength and belief in yourself not to do it."

Matt continued to watch him quietly, not saying a word.

"You are so strong, Matt. You have no idea how strong you really are. And you can make it through this. Whenever you feel the urge, you can stop and tell yourself that you are going to get through it."

Stefan finally stopped speaking, spying the tiny blonde in the doorway of the sitting room. He gently patted Matt's shoulder and nodded at Rebekah who took a tentative step into the room.

"I think Rebekah needs to talk," he murmured before rising to his feet. There was a moment of eye contact between the elder vampires before Stefan disappears through the doorway.

* * *

The new vampire and the Original watch each other's delicate movements for nearly five minutes before either speaks. They silently dare each other to speak first before one takes the bait.

"What do you want from me, Rebekah?" Matt finally says, throwing up his hands and letting them rest on his hips.

"I want just a moment of your time. I want to talk to you, really talk to you with out you running out of the room," she shoots back.

"I don't know what you have to say to me that could possibly make me feel better!" he snaps violently.

"Do you honestly think you are alone in this?" Rebekah asks him gently. "Do you honestly think that every single vampire that walks this earth hasn't gone through exactly what you are going through at this moment?"

Matt is quiet, shuffling his feet and staring at the floor.

"You are the strongest person that I have ever met, Matt," Rebekah whispers. "You have the strength to be a vampire and not take human life. Because it is who you are."

"Maybe I don't want to be Matt Donovan anymore," Matt whispers back before taking a cautious step in her direction. "I—I should have died that night."

"But you're alive. There is a bigger reason to why you are still here," she murmurs.

"I don't—"

Her arms are suddenly around him, holding him in the tightest of embraces. He stands stock still for a minute, not really understanding what is going on.

And then his arms are up and around her. He returns the embrace gently at first and then more vigorous. He doesn't remember ever being held like this in his short eighteen years of life. Never.

* * *

**I have been itching to update this ever since I began writing it but I just couldn't find the time or the inspiration. I finally did, obviously, and I think I like the outcome. I wanted more Stefan/Matt friendship and I wanted to have Matt have his first killing temptation. Not everyone is going to deal with a transformation like it's peaches and roses and neither can Matt who is probably my favorite character on the show. He has so many layers and is so hard to write for but once they did the possibility of Matt/Rebekah, I was hooked. **

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews for the first two chapters. Grace me with more? Please? :)**

**There will probably be two more chapters. Next chapter will feature Elena and Caroline a bit but not much and the finale will be nothing but Mabekah goodness! **


	4. learning how to miss you

_**learning how to miss you**_

* * *

A year passed. And then another. And then another.

He graduated from high school and realized that he had to move on.

"You'll adapt. You'll learn how to do it."

He had been born and raised in the tiny town of Mystic Falls. He had fully intended on dying here.

Actually, he did die here.

Just without the growing old part before it.

* * *

"I need to go my own way."

He couldn't ignore the sadness and heartbreak in her perfect golden blue eyes.

"I know you do."

He stooped down slightly. Being a whole head taller than she was, it was kind of difficult. He gently brushed a fingertip underneath her chin, bringing her face up to eye level.

"Thank you for everything," he breathed. And then he pressed his mouth to hers in the most tender of kisses.

She blinked and he was gone.

* * *

"Matt?"

"Caroline?"

And then he was nearly knocked over by the blonde catapulting into his arms in the tightest of hugs.

"Uh, Caroline? Doesn't matter if I'm a vampire, I need to breathe a little bit."

"Oh, sorry," she released her death grip on him, settling back on her heels. "You look good."

"So do you." And that was true. She looked happier than he had ever seen her.

"What are you doing here in Italy?" she asked, a small smile on her lips that seemed to know a little bit more than he'd rather she did.

He sighed quietly, replacing his sunglasses. "I needed to see it for myself, Care," he murmured. "I've got eternity ahead of me now. Why not enjoy it a little bit?"

She eyed him apprehensively for several seconds before speaking again. The question she uttered surprised him right into silence.

"Where's Rebekah?"

* * *

It turned out that the two blondes had bonded a bit before everyone departed Mystic Falls. Rebekah had given Caroline updates to Matt's condition after his transition but Caroline hadn't dared come to see him. She knew that she was probably the last person that he wanted to see at that moment and found it quite hard to blame him for that. The two had seperated when Caroline assumed Rebekah had left town with Matt.

It had been five months since the vampires had left Mystic Falls. Elena Gilbert had stayed behind to watch after Jeremy, along with a suitor that she actually enjoyed keeping around.

"Elijah..." Matt chuckled. "He's always been a lovesick fool."

"I think you've picked up a bit from Rebekah," smiled Caroline. "He makes her happier than I had ever seen her. How can I not support it?"

"What about Damon and Stefan? Where did they head off too?" He hadn't seen Stefan since leaving Mystic Falls. He wouldn't have been surprised if he and Rebekah had grown a bit closer.

"Stefan is actually...with me," Caroline murmured. "One thing kind of led to another and-"

"Caroline, that's fantastic!"

"It is?"

"Pfft, please. I always thought that you and Stefan would be really good together. Oh, Lord, I sound like a little squealing fangirl."

Caroline started to laugh, reaching over and gently brushing her hand across Matt's cheek. It struck her then, actually struck her how beautiful Matt really was. He had a goodness and a forgiving heart to him that nobody else ever had. Not even her other half, to who she loved more than anything in the world, had that much compassion in his heart.

Matt Donovan had been a scarred soul for as long as she had known him. Dad had died when he was seven years old, Mom and sister went off the deep end, and all he had left was himself. For the short eighteen years of his life before that one fatal night, he had spent it just trying to get by.

Now that he was a vampire, he had the whole world at his fingertips. But of course, this was the last thing that he had ever wanted. She knew that deep down. But he was strong enough to survive as a vampire. He had survived the past three years and was going to get by.

He reminded her of Stefan in some ways. Even in the darkest parts of their souls, their hearts could remain pure.

He needed her, though. That one Original that could be the world's biggest bitch or the sweetest little puppy.

She watched Matt's face slowly turn from that smile to that familiar woebegone expression that she had gotten so used to seeing on his face for such a long time. It was then that she knew. She knew that she had to be pushy Caroline and get him to listen to her.

"Matt—" She leaned forward slightly, her hand covering his. It struck her then how cool his skin was. Before everything had happened, she had always thought that Matt was the cuddliest creature ever. His skin was almost hot to the touch and it was always so nice to just curl up next to him, even in the dead of winter. But now, it had all changed.

She had wanted the best for her friend when the tragedy had begun to strike. She had wanted the world for him. In truth, she had hoped that he would be able to marry Bonnie and just get the hell out of Mystic Falls. They would have been able to live normal human lives together and have the world at their finger tips. She had never expected someone like Rebekah Mikaelson to come to town and totally steal the former football player's heart.

She turned Matt's hand over and she pulled a pen out of her bag. She scribbled down seven numbers and one single letter.

"You need to call Rebekah."

* * *

The young vampire sat where Caroline had left him, still staring at the numbers that she had scribbled into his hand.

It amazed him how even she knew his feelings for that Original. He had hoped that he would be able to keep it back and hide it but of course, he couldn't.

Deep down, he had always known that he would either wind up drained of blood and kicked to the side of the road like a dead opossum or be turned into a vampire. He rather the first had happened so he wouldn't have to live like this. He would always hate what he was and still think that he was a monster. But he would get by.

But he didn't want to go through eternity alone.

His cell phone traitorously finds it's way out of his pocket and is now sitting on the picnic table beside him. And his stupid hands are suddenly punching in those seven numbers that Caroline had written down.

The phone rings four times before the voicemail picks up with one beep. The auto tone voice asks him to leave his message.

"Um, hi…it's me," he finds himself whispering. "I saw Caroline and she gave me your new number. I, uh, I'm doing all right. Dealing with it all. But's it's strange without you or Stefan around to look over my shoulder. And I—God, I'm babbling." He stops, takes a deep breath, and begins again. "I—" The phone beeps, ending the message recording.

Matt let out a small sigh, closing his phone and setting it down.

Only time….damn, he wish he didn't have it.

* * *

**Okay, I lied. I said only two more parts and I would be wrapping this up but I think I am going to continue it longer than that. I do want to have Matt and Rebekah separated for a while and have them realize how much they needed each other. Even Caroline points that out! **

**Will try to update again soon. Rebekah's coming back next chapter but most of this will be told from Matt's point of view. Look for Elijah in the upcoming chapters and the question will be answered of who's blood was in Matt's system the night he was turned. **


End file.
